When I was a junior or senior in high school I went to parent-teacher conferences with my mom. We were meeting with my English teacher; one of my favorite teachers of all time. I loved English and was excelling in his class. He liked having me and told my mom what a great students I was, how well I was doing in class and how I was a very good writer.

My mother’s response? Instead of encouraging me and telling me what a good job I was doing or that she was proud of me, she said, “Are you sure we’re talking about the same person?” And then she went on to say that I certainly wasn’t like that at home.

In fact, she was right. My mom and I fought and didn’t get along well at all. I know now that was because she has no idea how to empathize with me and validate me so I never felt seen or heard.

Now, the beliefs that left me with that surfaced a couple of weeks ago was that I’m delusional about who I am, I can’t trust myself because I’m not who I think I am or who others think I am, and the biggest of all: 

Others shouldn’t see anything good in me because my own mother doesn’t, so it must not exist.

Fortunately I was able to clear this with EFTA and I no longer am subject to those negative beliefs. Now I can accept that there are good things in me and that others can see them. But they ruled my life in many ways and were keeping me from accepting praise, believing that there was something good in me, and believing I could trust who I am.